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What I’ve Learned about Marriage Accountability

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My name is Wendy Simon and my husband Mark and I went through a marriage workshop earlier this year to learn about marriage accountability; both what it means and how to get it. We are both so glad that we made the decision to seek help and I was thrilled to be asked to share our experience with other couples who may be having issues with marriage accountability.

Marriage accountability is about being honest and open with each other, but it’s also about roles and responsibilities and the division of labor in marriage and those two areas were what we were struggling with. We’ve been married for six years and have two children, ages four and two. It was when our two-year old son was born that we really started having marital problems.

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A Change in Roles Created Unexpected Problems

We made a decision that I would leave my career as an ER nurse to stay home with our kids and that was a move that I was really excited to make. My husband was extremely supportive of my desire to be a stay at home Mom and was more than happy to shoulder the financial responsibilities, which can be of the most stressful marriage duties. I really appreciated his willingness to be our sole support, but we did run into trouble pretty quickly after I left my job.

When we were both working, we seemed to have a pretty fair division of labor in our marriage, but once I was home, I started feeling that I was carrying more than my fair share of the household chores and sometimes even the caregiving of our kids. While Mark has always been an involved Dad, it seemed like he was using his fulltime job as a reason to leave the evening caregiving duties to me, such as bathing the kids and getting them into bed. I also seemed to be doing more of the housework during the week, while we had been taking turns pretty evenly when I was working.

A One Week Workshop Resolved Our Issues

It became such an issue for us and such a frequent sore spot, that we decided to look into some workshops on marriage accountability that we had seen in the paper. It was probably one of the best decisions we’d ever made as a couple and we’re both so glad we made that decision before things got out of hand.

In the workshops, the counselors did some talking, but they also used role playing and other types of exercises (some of them actually pretty fun) to help us learn how to define our roles and responsibilities and find ways to divide the marriage duties so that we were both happy.

We Should Have Done This First!

We had pre-marital counseling before our wedding, but I really wish more had been said about marriage accountability. I think it’s an important topic for young couples to address before they get married. We’re thrilled with the results that we’ve gotten, but we wish we had gone to a workshop like this six years ago!

 

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